Post by Mona on May 2, 2006 20:55:33 GMT -5
Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women of this world) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...
List Of Rules.
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that
way you will be able to join in the conversations. If
you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a
bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT
complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at
all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a
glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your
eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a
game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on
the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to
stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put
clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I
wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after
you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute,
unless I require a refill of my drink or something to
eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to
listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or
pick up the baby that just fell from the second
floor....it wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2
six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as
plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make
any funny faces to my friends when they come over to
watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use
the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good
game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset
because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get
over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll
win next time". If you say these things, you will only
make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember,
you will never ever know more about football than me
and your so called "words of encouragement" will only
lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game
and you can talk to me during halftime but only when
the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score
is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying
"one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice
cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I
don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them,
I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any
other child related parties or gatherings that require
my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house
on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a
flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every
night is just as important as the games themselves. Do
not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you
change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be:
"Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as
"Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am
immune to these words, because after this comes the
Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League,
Premier League, etc etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the World
List Of Rules.
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that
way you will be able to join in the conversations. If
you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a
bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT
complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at
all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a
glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your
eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a
game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on
the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to
stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put
clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I
wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after
you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute,
unless I require a refill of my drink or something to
eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to
listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or
pick up the baby that just fell from the second
floor....it wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2
six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as
plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make
any funny faces to my friends when they come over to
watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use
the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good
game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset
because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get
over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll
win next time". If you say these things, you will only
make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember,
you will never ever know more about football than me
and your so called "words of encouragement" will only
lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game
and you can talk to me during halftime but only when
the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score
is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying
"one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice
cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I
don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them,
I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any
other child related parties or gatherings that require
my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house
on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a
flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every
night is just as important as the games themselves. Do
not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you
change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be:
"Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as
"Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am
immune to these words, because after this comes the
Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League,
Premier League, etc etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the World